Power Armoured Beard

As you can tell by most of my recent posts as of late, Blood Bowl fever has got a big grip on me at the moment. I’ve been running my local league, painting a lot more models, reading the NAF and Talk Fantasy Football forums and listening to many episodes of Blood Bowl podcasts. From being involved a bit more with the online community I’ve discovered that Blood Bowl tournaments might not be all that bad.

As I’ve said before I don’t think I’m much of a table-top tournament player, I’d much rather play narrative campaigns. I don’t like what the heightened sense of competition does to some people (to be fair, probably the minority). Call me a care-bear if you wish, I’ve just decided it’s not for me, at the moment at least.

However, what I started discovering from reading/listening into the Blood Bowl tournament scene a bit more, was the sometimes negative vibe I got from tournaments wasn’t really present. People played in the spirit of the game, which itself is written in a comical and light-hearted way. I wonder if this is the aspect of the game makes it a lot harder to take too seriously, although I’m sure there are still people out there that do.

Anyway, Vault Bowl 2012 in Leamington Spa was my destination for the day. Our travelling party consisted of me, Adam (also known as Ginge, who has turned up in previous posts including the match report), Amy and Fran (our long suffering girlfriends and drivers for the weekend). An early start was in order as we had a two hour drive and registration started at 9.15. Despite our Satnav being a useless pile of crap, me and Amy got there in time and met up with Ginge and Fran.

We met the other players who were a very friendly bunch, the girls headed off for a day at Warwick Castle and once registered, I sat down for my first game. I should probably point out that for this tournament I was using an Orc team I had named Pigrah’s Snorthammerz (actually made up by my friend Dan. I asked his permission to use it because it sounds awesome.

Game One: VS Goblins.

Possibly one of the more important aspects of this game was every round of the tournament had a different round effect. This round was called “The refs on strike”. This really didn’t help me versus the Goblins. I hadn’t actually played against a Goblin team before apart from on the PC game, and the sheer amount of secret weapons they were wielding was quite daunting. The fact that the ref was on strike did not help as these weapons were less likely to get spotted and sent off for the rest of the game. By the end of the game I had 5 players in the “dead/seriously injured” box! This was quite a learning experience and a wake-up call. I had made some silly mistakes in the match and going forward I’d really have to focus.

Pigrah’s Snorthammerz result: LOSS.

Game Two: VS Ogres.

Again, this is a team I’ve never played against before. I knew that Ogres are tough guys that aren’t good at ball handling, and Snotlings are squishier than rice pudding on a hot day. What I didn’t realise was just how tough it is to control Snotlings with tackle zones! They are small enough to nip around all over the place! Another lesson learned. First half didn’t go too great. A Snotling fluked catching fumbled ball and just about made it to score a touchdown. I was in trouble. The opponent wasn’t using too many cages so I didn’t get to use my “anti-cage” technique I’ve been working on. It was getting near the end of the game, and my opponent was fending me off well. Right in his last turn, just for fun one of his Ogres threw a Snotling team mate at the endzone to try and score once more. The thrown player was obviously not quite ready for this and stuffed the landing. I had one turn to hoik the ball from end of the pitch to the other. I had a crazy amount of dodge rolls, a pass off and a long pass to complete to get this done. My boys didn’t let me done. The dice were on my side everything succeeded and I scored an equalizer in the last turn! What a play! One troubling thing about this game was I could not break any of the Snotlings armour. All I had to do was roll 6 or more on 2D6 and I couldn’t manage it once!

Pigrah’s Snorthammerz result: DRAW.

Game Three: VS Orcs

Well looky here. Who do I have to play in my final game for the first day? My old adversary, The Evil Ginger One himself. I predicted a hard fought game here as we are pretty much matched equally for skill. I can sum this game up in one word: Massacre. Something had happened to my dice over the course of the day. They had warmed up all day, got in tune with the Blood Bowl vibrations and I was breaking enemy Orc armour left, right and centre. If I hit an Orc, he was staying down. It was a horrible game for Ginge and I have been on the receiving end of such games so I felt his pain. On the plus side, a win for me!

Pigrah’s Snorthammerz result: WIN.

That was the first day over with and I was feeling pretty good. I’d effectively broken even! We retreated to our hotel not too far away in Coventry and after dinner the day took its toll, I was ridiculously tired.

Next day, we were back at the tournament nice and early.

Game Four: VS Dwarfs.

I’d heard that dwarf teams are that popular amongst Blood Bowl players. Well, only if you are playing against them. Although I have played against a dwarf team many times before I didn’t really know what to expect, and didn’t get complacent after the first days games. I knew I had to keep my mind on the game. My first turn couldn’t have gone better. One Troll Slayer down, revived by the apothecary. Then not much longer after that the other Troll Slayer gets crushed, and this time he’s not coming back. My “anti-cage” technique came into play nicely this game, I slowed his movement down to a painful crawl of one or two squares per turn and I bashed away at the beardy buggers. I took the first touchdown, but sadly my opponent equalised right on his last turn.

Pigrah’s Snorthammerz result: DRAW.

Game Five: VS Ogres.

A different Ogre team this time. This was a really hard fought game. Every move felt more crucial than the last. I was in “the zone” and I made every single player count. My opponent was the same and it felt like two veteran chess masters going at it. I don’t remember too many of the details, but I do remember a lot of caging, a lot of canny/daring plays and even a few Bone Head results for the

Ogres, especially when my opponent really didn’t want that to happen. It probably ranks on one of the most nail-biting and entertaining games of Blood Bowl. It was really great playing at this level of competition.

Pigrah’s Snorthammerz result: DRAW.

Game Six: VS Dark Elves.

Coming to this game I knew I had to keep a level head. I know what Dark Elves are capable of. You take your eye off them for one moment and they are going to score. Luckily for me, my opponent had never played against Orcs before (unbelievable!) and was quite daunted by the potential bloodbath that awaited him. Those green lads didn’t let me down. A combination of the Orcs bashing the opponent to bits and the Dark Elves completely failing every agility roll they attempted made for a silly game. We had a good laugh and this game was a nice end to weekend.

Pigrah’s Snorthammerz result: DRAW.

The whole weekend was great fun, everyone I met was really friendly and I will definitely be going to tournaments in the future. It was a great learning experience overall and I got some nice Vaultbowl dice out of it as well.

I don’t currently know where I was on the standings, but I reckon probably around the mid-table mediocrity but I am actually really chuffed with my first tournament performance. I find it pretty funny that the only person I actually beat was my friend that I actually went with.

I think my plan for the next few tournaments is to repaint an Orc team, make them look really flash, whilst collecting a Necromantic team to swap out to when it’s complete.

If you are a Blood Bowl player who has never been to a tournament and you are toying with the idea, I’d definitely recommend it.

PIGRAH’S SNORTHAMMERZ WILL RETURN!

P.S. any of you that are awaiting the Fantasy Football League final results, they will be coming soon!

It’s the penultimate round! Unfortunately, due to being mega busy for the last couple of weeks I didn’t get to catch any details of the other games so I’ll just be listing the results.

Magnusson’s Marauders 0 – The Lack Lustrians 1

Well, what a game. The unbeatable Lack Lustrians vs Magnusson’s (far below average) Marauders. I was not looking forward to this game one bit.

Luckily, first kick-off result of the game was a riot, and the game progressed 5 turns before anyone had even made a move! The less chance these lizards have of scoring on me, the happier I’ll be. They finally received the kick and made a break down the right wing of the pitch. They had 3 turns to score, which is still very achievable with the nimble Skinks. But the marauders sprang into action, chased the opponents down and boxed them in very tightly. There was nowhere they could move, no tackles they could attempt that weren’t highly risky. I slowed them down to a crawl, and when the time was right just 2-3 spaces from the end zone, I smashed hard into their cage, wrestled the ball away and threw it to safety. It was already the end of the first half and the score was 0-0! Could I even dare to dream of a win against the best team in the league?

Second half didn’t start so smoothly. I was receiving the ball, and it drifted towards just behind my line of scrimmage, which I had set up in such a way that the centre was quite weak, relying on my marauder that had just gained the Fend skill to cause a nuisance. This time the kick-off table wasn’t so kind, giving the Lizardmen a free turn before the half started. BASH! The Kroxigor bashes straight through the centre of my defensive wall and a flood of irritating Skinks followed in behind hi,m totally surrounding the ball. The marauders smashed into their formation once again, but one of the Skinks wriggled free and dashed for the line, I simply didn’t have the speed to catch him and the Lustrians go a Touchdown up. Boooo.

The rest of the game was just ridiculously nail-biting. Neither of us had many rerolls left. Pretty much every dice roll felt like do-or-die. The absolutely most draining part of the game for me was one of my marauders had managed somehow to squeeze out of a messy midfield and was free, not too far from the endzone. I managed to get the ball to him, but he wasn’t quite close enough to make the Touchdown without rolling a “Go for it” check. I didn’t want to risk leaving him there for another turn, because there was a reasonable amount of enemy players within reach that could make life extra difficult for him, so I went for it. Bet you can guess what happened can’t you, folks? Yep. I rolled a one. My best chance to do what all the other teams had failed to do thus far, and get a draw out of the Lack Lustrians and it failed due to a horrible dice roll. My last reroll, I had to use it. Another one. It simply was not meant to be. It must be destined that the Lizards will finish this season undefeated, and they only have one more game to play and prove this.

Despite the loss I think Magnusson’s Marauder performed admirably, much better than I had expected. The early riot helped me a lot, but nonetheless I came away feeling more confident in my team for the future. On top of that, I have finally made enough cash to hire my Minotaur/Spawn. That’s right; Yngvar the Twisted will be taking the pitch next game!

The Ironbeard Guard 0 – Al Gore’s Man Bear Pig Appreciation Society 0

Ming’s Marauders 1 – I Told Them I Was Ill 1

Da Smashy Hitterz 2 – The Hurdy Gurdy Hitmen 0

The Blades of Loec 6 – We Just Want To Be Loved 0

The South Ulthuan Storm Win – Lose Unnamed Orc Team  (Actual score unknown currently due to team-sheet issues).

Fantasy Football League Results

123        The Southland Alliance
113        The Donkey Men
108        Clueless Wonders
106        Bellend Hogs
103        Doc’s Depraved Delinquents
98        Team Hatstand
98        The Menagerie of Malcontent’s
90        Traci Lords of Change
77        RRRiot POW-Lice
44        Van Hemlock’s Vandals

No change in the standing at all this round! The Southland Alliance holds onto the lead. Doc’s Depraved Delinquents just edge ahead of Team Hatstand from their previous matches rivalry, and The Menagerie of Malcontent’s seem to want a piece of the Hatstand now as well!

Newly hired players:

“Yngvar The Twisted” The Minotaur/Spawn  (Magnusson’s Marauders)
Brok The Blocker (The Ironbeard Guard)

It looks like the undertaker is out of work this round as no players died on the pitch!

Next round is the big one. The teams play their last games of the season. Will The Southland Alliance triumph as the first ever Power Armoured Beard Fantasy Football champion? Will The Lack Lustrians ever be beaten? Will any of the players from Van Hemlock’s Vandals actually do anything?

Stay tuned to find out!

Hello folks!

This week all but 1 of the matches were played in one evening. It was cool to have a room full of friends all playing at once but unfortunately I didn’t get to see many of the games as I was playing my match. Therefore, I won’t be able to tell you the ins-and-outs of what happened. Anyway, lets get stuck in with the results, shall we?

Magnusson’s Marauders 0 – The Ironbeard Guard 1

Yet again the Chaos Gods have chosen to spurn me. Bad dice rolls have plagued this league for me, and its making it really hard for me to consider playing this team any further than this season. Although having read what I’ve just written makes me think that sounds a bit whiny. It’s probably because I’ve always used Orks before, who are really strong from the get-go. Maybe, dear readers, just maybe I should stick it out, persevere and have faith in Chaos.

I started the game off one player down, but foolishly and arrogantly I felt I had a good chance of a win. Quickly things went wrong. The very second block of the match badly injured one of my marauders, making him miss the rest of the match. To be fair the first half was great, both teams trading blows like true heroes. But the Dwarves were on form, after receiving the kick-off, they carefully made their way forward, knocked over some of my team and before I knew it the Dwarven runner had broken through my lines! Every player from my team that could feasibly take him down was tied up, except for one. He made a valiant effort to take the ball carrier down but as Dan had supported him with a blitzer, it was easier said than done. A bit of fumbling around, another of my players gets injured making me another man down for the rest of the game, and the Ironbeard Guard walk home a well fought touchdown.

That one drive took most of the first half. Luckily a dwarf gets caught fouling one of my players and is also sent off for the rest of the match. Somehow I had broken through some armour, sending a bearded one off pitch to recuperate. Going into the second half the teams, although slightly depleted, were even again. My plan was to at least get an equalizer. This however was not destined to be.

First kick-off result for the second half was riot. The referee lets the clock run on, meaning I have lost 5 of the 8 turns I had to score! There are now 3 rounds left in the whole game for me to break through the dwarven defences and get my touchdown. Needless to say, this didn’t happen.

During the post-match sequence I did something odd. I had been told/dared by Kilowog from @BOTHDOWN on twitter that I should trust in Chaos each time a player levels up in my team I should roll completely randomly which skill he receives. So I decided to accept this challenge. Now I have 1 marauder with the Fend skill, and 1 who has grown a Prehensile Tail. Fend is not something that I would normally go for initially, but I can see where it can be useful. Prehensile Tail is something I would pick because I find it can combo nicely with Shadowing. Get a player with both of those, plop them on the wings of the pitch and it gives dodging players something more to worry about. However, the chances of me randomly rolling Shadowing on that player in the future are very low. I think I have learnt to say screw it now. What will be will be, and Magnusson’s Marauders will go on until the bitter end!

The Hurdy Gurdy Hitmen 1 – Al Gore’s Man Bear Pig Appreciation Society 2

Pretty standard match it seems. One thing that does stick out was the first sacking of a player! The Hurdy Gurdy Hitmen have decided that their injured runner, Honir, was too much of a liability and drain on the teams resources so they have chosen to end his contract! It’s a tough life being a Blood Bowl player.

I told them I was ill 3 – We just want to be loved 0

Two stinky teams that utilize zombies for their line-men. Two teams with very silly names. But it seems that the Necromancers took the upper hand (probably chewed on it for a bit), and won the game. I should imagine the S.Milligan, the werewolf, and his high speed value contributed to the success.

I do not envy the groundskeeper that has to clean up after this match. Eww.

Ming’s Marauders 2 – Unnamed Orc Team 1

Still unnamed, still without his own models, Rob’s Orc team suffered the defeat. On top of that a Black Orc fell to the blades of the insidious Dark Elves. Luckily, a new Black Orc was eagerly hired straight after the match!

Whilst writing this post I was going to say that the Orcs exacted revenge for their fallen teammate when I remembered what actually happened. I was so close to given the Greenskins false glory. The truth is much more amusing.

Cidan, the Dark Elf blitzer not only has the ball, but also the endzone in sight. It’s a little bit further than he can comfortably run in one turn, but he’s going to give it a shot. Adam, AKA Ming, has to roll a Go For It check. Failed. Armours broken. Injury result comes up Dead and Seriously Injured. This roll then becomes dead. That’s right. Just as Cidan is about to cross the line into the endzone, he trips on a piece of debris thrown onto the pitch by howling fans, lands awkwardly and promptly snaps his neck. No more Cidan. Classic.

Da Smashy Hitterz 0 – The Lack Lustrians 3

Both teams arrived at the match undefeated, only one of them left that way. Damn those pesky lizards. I have yet to play against them, and I’m not looking forward to it!

The Blades of Loec 5 – The South Ulthuan Storm 1

That’s right. Two new teams! Russell (The Blades of Loec, Woodelves) and Matt (The South Ulthuan Storm, Elves) both asked if they could join the league, taking the place of the players that dropped out. I figured why not? The more the merrier.

I watched this match and it was disgusting. The ludicrous result is due to Russell really knowing how to use Wood Elves (they were up and down the pitch quicker than you could blink) and Matt having HORRIBLE luck. Will be interesting having these guys in the league, even if it is a late stage!

Fantasy Football League Results

Total SPP        Team Name
108        The Southland Alliance
100        The Donkey Men
98           Clueless Wonders
95           Bellend Hogs
86           Doc’s Depraved Delinquents
86           Team Hatstand
82           The Menagerie of Malcontent’s
79           Traci Lords of Change
76           RRRiot POW-Lice
37           Van Hemlock’s Vandals

Well after a great start the RRRiot POW-lice have plummeted through the rankings. We have a nice stand off between Zoso’s Team Hatstand and Toerag’s Doc’s Depraved Delinquents. And just edging ahead of the crowd is The Southland Alliance. Poor old Van Hemlock’s Vandals seems to be a team made of the laziest players in the league so far. Sad times.

I have to say though, I’m pretty disappointed so far, folks. No-one has been able to pick any players that have been killed or fired so far! And we the death toll racking up, I’m quite surprised!

Players that will be missing the next round include:

Jizzwink the Skaven Blitzer (Al Gore’s Man Bear Pig Appreciation Society)

Newly hired players:

Bill and Ted  the Rotters (We Just Want To Be Loved)
Rugg the Blocker (The Ironbeard Guard)
P.Seller the Werewolf (I Told Them I Was Ill)

Fired players:

Honir the Runner (The Hurdy Gurdy Hitmen)

Let us now honour the dead:

Unnamed Black Orc, Unnamed Orc Team(Duffed up by Dark Elves)

Cidan the Blitzer, Ming’s Marauders(Tripped to death)

That’s all for this week. The next installment won’t be for at least another week now, but stay tuned to Power Armoured Beard for more treats!

Hello, sportsfans!

Welcome to another instalment of the Blood Bowl league. Lets dive straight in shall we?

Da Smashy Hitterz 1 – Magnusson’s Marauders 0

Sigh. Another loss for me! Now last time you saw my worst defeat to date when I lost 4-1. Despite the score, I’m pretty sure this game ever was worse by far. The problem was my dice. They seem to have taken a great dislike to me. It may have been because I wasn’t using my regular Blood Bowl D6, but pretty much ANYTIME I needed to do ANYTHING I’d roll the absolute worst result.

The ultimate wound this game caused me was turn 8 of the first half. Everything was setup perfectly. One of my Chaos Warriors had the ball, he had enough movement to cross the line without even making a dice roll. Scoring this touchdown would have also given him enough SPP to level up as well. But no. I had to try something at the opposite end of the field. The plan was to dodge a marauder out of an opponents tackle zone and into an area that would help another of my players push one of the horrid greenskins in to the crowd. I had a reroll to use if all went wrong, and I needed a 3+ to dodge out.

2.

Reroll then.

2 again.

The dodging player trips over. The ball carrier is left standing like a dithering dickhead, turnover is called and the half ends along with my chances of an easy touchdown. Note to self:

NEVER TRY BEING A SMART ARSE EVER AGAIN, FFS!

Lesson learnt.

Hurdy Gurdy Hitmen 1 – The Ironbeard Guard 1

I got to watch this Block-fest match and, holy shit, it all went down here. My money was on the Norse if I’m going to be 100% honest.  They swarmed the stout dwarf team quickly from the kick-off and scored in the first few turns. This is how I imagined the rest of the game would be. How wrong I was.

It seems that losing their brother slayer in the previous match had stirred the fire in their bellies. They kicked it up a gear after the first touchdown scored against them, and took off the gloves. BAM, down goes a Norseman, put him in the dead and injured box. BAM, and another. BAM, whoops there goes the brand new Snow Troll. By the end of the game The Hurdy Gurdy Hitmen had SIX of their players laid out in the dead and injured box. They were lucky to have no-one actually die, but the two Norse runners took the brunt of it. Honir loses a point of strength and Baldur loses a point of armour, putting him on a very fragile AV6. If someone knocks him down its more than likely going to hurt from now on!

During the mayhem, Brek the Dwarven Runner, casually strolls in a touchdown for the equalizer. What a brutal match. Amazing!

We Just Want To Be Loved 1 – Red Mist Reavers 0

A buy for the Nurgle team. Sadly, Robin has decided to retire his team early from the league for legitimate reasons. He didn’t have access to his models that he had created for the Red Mist Reavers a season ago, and due to the fact that he kept having to use proxy models he never really got invested in them. You could say he didn’t get to bond with his team, which can sometimes be a deal breaker, especially for the fluff style players such as ourselves. He will hopefully be back next season as he is working on a new Norse team.

Ming’s Marauders 1 – Unnamed Goblin Team 0

The goblins strike again in their lack of turning up to a game!

I Told Them I Was Ill 1 – Unnamed Orc Team 2

Didn’t catch this game myself, but I hear it through the grapevine that the Orc team’s thrower, the best player on their team to date, was very slightly nibbled by some naughty zombies, and…er… might be a bit of a zombie himself now. That’s right, he’s dead and now playing for the other team (not a euphemism).

Al Gore’s Man Bear Pig Appreciation Society 1 – The Lack Lustrians 3

After the kicking the skaven received last game they were missing a load of players and had to sub in some journeymen (journeyrats?). The Lizards carry on their outrageous winning/scoring streak.

Fantasy Football Results Table

Total SPP        Team Name
70        Clueless Wonders
66        Bellend Hogs
65        Doc’s Depraved Delinquents
62        RRRiot POW-Lice
61        The Menagerie of Malcontent’s
60        Traci Lords of Change
60        The Southland Alliance
59        Team Hatstand
57        The Donkey Men
37        Van Hemlock’s Vandals

The Clueless Wonders aren’t acting all that clueless this round as they jump straight to the top. Something to watch out for will be all the players missing matches next week, that could really shake standing up a lot.

Players that will be missing the next round include:

Thor, Honir and Baldur (The Hurdy Gurdy Hitmen)
Eldgrim (Magnusson’s Marauders)

Newly hired players:

Dribblesnoz Vomshare the Troll (Da Smashy Hitterz)
Foehammer the Trollslayer (The Ironbeard Guard)
Meredear the Blitzer (Ming’s Marauders)
Tzatep the Skink (The Lack Lustrians)
Ratflaps and Scratch’n'Sniff the Linerats (Al Gore’s Man Bear Pig Appreciation Society)

Let us now honour the dead:

Unnamed Orc ThrowerUnnamed Orc Team
(Nibbled by a Necromancer)

There we have it. Round 4 shouldn’t be too far off from getting written up so keep those eyes peeled!

xBevisx

Welcome to Round Two of the league. Remember me telling you last time that things were going to get violent? Well the teams didn’t let me down. There will be blood…

Let’s get the most painful bit out of the way first shall we?

The Hurdy Gurdy Hitmen 4 – Magnusson’s Marauders 1

Ouch. That’s all I can say. You, my friends, have witnessed the worst Blood Bowl defeat I have ever experienced in my whole time of playing. I blame two people for this. Firstly, Kilowog from the Both Down podcast and secondly, myself. After hearing Kilowog’s excellent theory on playing Norse super aggressively, I stupidly told my friend, Tom (who is a pretty good player anyway) about it. He was picking which team to play for the league at the time and decided to test Kilowog’s theory. And now it’s come back to bite me on the ass.

In his previous game one of Tom’s beserkers, named Thor, gained dodge, and in this game he proved himself to be a grade A superstar/arsehole. Repeatedly he punched through my defensive lines with ease, and even if I did manage to take him down, he has the Jump Up skill anyway. As the game went on, Tom started to test Thor by throwing into some crazy play situations, but miraculously he escaped each totally unharmed and usually went on to score, 3 Touchdowns total by the end of the match! It was truly a marvel to behold (no pun intended). I tried my best to punish him for these actions, but to no avail. Hopefully, one of Tom’s future opponents will avenge me (pun intended, Ahhhhh).

Despite the Norse team’s low armour value I couldn’t seem to do much more than stun a lot of them, with a few knockouts here and there. Both teams managed an interception during the game which was impressive/infuriating, one of them being caught by one of my Chaos Warriors! Sweet! It’s not all bad though as none of my players were seriously injured and graced by the Chaos Gods one of my players mutated and grew an extra arm!

“I told you I was ill” 3 – The Redmist Reavers 0

Looks like Chaos was in for a beating this round as the Redmist Reavers seemed to suffer the same fate as my team! Robin, the Reavers coach, really does not seems to have the best luck with dice games however. I think somewhere down the line he’s really pissed off Lady Luck and she’s getting back at him big time.

The Lack Lustrians 3 – The Ironbeard Guard 0

A dark cloud hung over this match. Despite levelling up last game and gaining a +1 to his armour stat, Trollchewer the Trollslayer is no more. His lust for battle has seen him to an early grave. This has earned The Lack Lustrians a place in the Ironbeard Guard’s Book of Grudges.

The dwarves managed to take out Tenquax the Saurus with an injury bad enough for him to miss the next game, but the Lizardmen chalk up another impressive victory in this league.

Da Smashy Hitterz 1 – Al Gore’s Man Bear Pig Appreciation Society 0

More blood was spilt and more skulls were crushed in this match. The Orcs managed to grind the nimble Skaven to a halt, then proceeded to grind their bones into dust. Their unbreakable line was too much for the ratmen and Yurt the Black, a skaven thrower with a promising career ahead of him, was cut down in his prime, having his neck snapped by a over zealous Orc. The rest of the team didn’t fair that much better, well I guess they did in that they are still alive, but 3 of the skaven will be missing their next matches due to injury!

We just want to be loved 0 – Ming’s Marauders 0

Shockingly a scoreless draw! By rights the Dark Elves should’ve out paced the sluggish (and slug-like) Nurgle team. I didn’t see much of this match but I did hear that Cuddles, the beast of Nurgle, managed to actually catch the ball. Not something you see everyday. I suspect that Cuddles didn’t so much catch it as maybe the ball bounced his way and got stuck in his vile, sickening ichor that excretes from his body. The other thing I’ve noticed from post match is maybe the reason M’sM didn’t score was they were taking a beating, especially line-elf Lecibnitol who ended up losing a point of strength!

Unnamed Orc Team 1 – Unnamed Goblin Team 0

Well Rob (who hasn’t actually named his team yet) got a buy this round against Michael’s Goblin team, who without even playing a match has retired from the league. This must be a first for a Goblin team, surviving intact from a Blood Bowl league. Their winning strategy was to never take the field in the first place!

Fantasy Football Results Table

Total SPP                Team Name
57                Bellend Hogs
56                RRRiot POW-Lice
52                The Southland Alliance
51                Clueless Wonders
43                The Menagerie of Malcontent’s
41                The Donkey Men
41                Traci Lords of Change
39                Team Hatstand
34                Doc’s Depraved Delinquents
23                Van Hemlock’s Vandals

Bit of a shake up in the league here. Kilowog’s Bellend Hogs make a massive leap up the table, just pipping the RRRiot POW-Lice by one point despite the strong line up. Van Hemlock’s Vandals have a pretty good round, picking up 22 points even with a few players missing this round due to injuries.

Players that will be missing the next round include:

Tenquax (The Lack Lustrians)
“Dirty” Pigdish Jawpunt (Da Smashy Hitterz)
Hirt, Zast and Jizzwink (Al Gore’s Man Bear Pig Appreciation Society)

Newly hired players:

Grendal the Snow Troll (The Hurdy Gurdy Hitmen)
Cidan the Blitzer (Ming’s Marauders)
Shagrax the Gutter Runner (Al Gore’s Man Bear Pig Appreciation Society)

Now let us have a moment of silence for the fallen:

Trollchewer, Trollslayer
(Liquidized by Lizardmen)

Yurt the Black, Thrower
(Obliterated by Orcs)

Thanks for reading, folks. See you on the pitch soon!

Hello folks,

Lets start off with an update on round one of the real league:

Ming’s Marauders 1 -  The Lack Lustrians 3

Adam (Ming’s Marauders) seems to be developing a tradition of having a really bad start to Blood Bowl leagues. This time was no different. His Dark Elves got trampled by Andrew’s Lack Lustrian Lizards. His line-elf, Lecibnitol, took a particularly bad hit which smashed his collar-bone, resulting in permanently losing 1 point of strength!

Andrew on the other hand had a great game with 2 of his players leveling up. His Kroxigor, Kroxuax of Chaqua, picked up the Guard skill, and the skink named Chicc-Chicc learnt the Catch skill after scoring an impressive 3 touchdowns. Anyone that picked him for their Fantasy Football team will be chuffed with that result.

The Ironbeard Guard 2 – “I told you I was ill” 0

Excellent start for the dwarves here. Their coach Dan has learnt from previous leagues that it’s not always about smashing the opposing team down (although the Dwarf team are pretty damn good at that). His game has really improved and he kept focused on where the ball was and how best to shut down the enemy and get the touchdowns.

The undead were definitely more focused on trying to eat dwarf brains in this game, and although their coach Paul made a good push for an equaliser in the second half, a canny Trollslayer had his number, took the ball away and scored the Ironbeard Guard’s second point. It was quite a brutal match as you’d expect, but the regeneration skill for the undead and the thick skull skill for the dwarfs really paid off and hardly anyone suffered any lasting damage.

As a result of a great game, the Trollslayer named Trollchewer levelled up and actually gained +1 to his armour stat!

Magnusson’s Marauders 2 – Redmist Reavers 1

So, my first game of the league! I had forgotten how much extra pressure playing a league game puts on you. When you are just having one-off games, you don’t really care as much’ But when there’s a chance you might lose a player for future games, every time your opponent rolls a block dice is tense, every time they roll against your armour is nail-biting, and if they break that armour, you just don’t want to watch!

This match was Chaos vs Chaos and I had images of the two teams treating this as a real grudge match. Who were the stronger warriors and who deserves the blessings of the Dark Gods more? The game basically boiled down to a massive scrum in the centre field, with just a few beastmen (or in my case Marauders) from each team worrying about where the ball actually was. Watching 2 beastmen fighting over the ball, constantly blitzing each other with the Horns skill was pretty amusing. Finally, somehow, I managed to wrestle free of this and score a touchdown.

The rest of the match was pretty intense and despite taking the win Robin’s Redmist Reavers didn’t let me go lightly and gouged the eye of one of my Warriors, Ornolf, meaning he’ll have to miss the next game! Ouch!

Da Smashy Hitterz 1 – “We just want to be loved” 0

Unfortunately I was at band practice the night this match got played so I can’t tell you a lot about it. What I can tell you is “Sneaky” Azmash Crumphamma scored the only touch down of the game and for his efforts luckily picked up the Dodge skill which could make him quite a force to be reckoned with!

Al Gore’s Man-Bear-Pig Appreciation Society 1 – Unnamed Goblin Team 0

We had a goblin no-show for this one sadly. AGMBPAS get a win by default. That means they get the usual bonuses for winning a match, but also they get a free touchdown (the player awarded the SPP is chosen randomly) AND the opponents MVP SPP and winnings! Seems to be pretty awesome when your opponent doesn’t show! Man Bear Pig, the Rat Ogre levels up.

The Hurdy Gurdy Hitmen 3 – Unnamed Orc Team 1

Rob, the Orc coach in question actually had to forfeit halfway through the match due to real-life issues, giving Tom’s Hurdy Gurdy Hitmen the win. As with the other forfeited match, he picked up lots of lovely bonuses on top on having a pretty good first half. Thor picks up the dodge skill.

Despite not even taking the pitch this match, Norseman number 12 picks up the randomly decided MVP award, which earns him the name Loki.

Fantasy Football Results Table

So The Menagerie of Malcontent’s made a pretty good choice of captain in Man Bear Pig, netting themselves a load of points. Other than that his team has picked up a couple more MVP’s and not much else. They are currently just being pipped to the post by the RRRiot POW-Lice, as they’ve selected a lucky and strong core of achieving positional players.

Van Hemlock’s Vandals and The Donkeymen have had some bad luck this week, but its early days and Nuffle always has some surprises up his sleeve.

Everyone will be relieved to know there have been no player deaths so far! I’m sure we’ll try to change that just as soon as we can.

A.A.B.B.F.F.L’s Current No.1 player:
Chicc-Chicc of The Lack Lustians (9 SPP)

It’s been great to be playing in a league again. I hope you all look forward to the next installment!

(p.s. I have been having some issues with my spreadsheets for the league but I think I’m finally on top of it. Apologies for any inconvenience caused)

Hello folks,

It’s finally here! The list of players for you to choose from! In case you missed the initial rules, head on over to the previous post. Once you are up to speed with those simply head over to the Contact PAB page, enter your name, team name in the subject field and the player names you wish to purchase along with how much each player costs in the comments field. In fact feel free to simply cut and paste from this post straight into the comments field.

I have created the twitter account @PABBloodBowl for updates on the league, so please head over there and start following! Also something handy to know is we are using LRB 5 in this particular league. If you are interested, you can find the rules here.

Just a quick note to say we are missing 3 teams from this fantasy football league due to some of the coaches not being able to name their teams/players in time for me to add to this blog post. I could’ve kept dragging it out to wait for them, but I was really eager to get things going, as are you I hope!

So pick your players and let’s get this show on the road! (Closing date for team submission will be 25th August 2012)

Ming’s Marauders
Dark Elves

The Lack Lustrians
Lizardmen

Magnusson’s Marauders
Chaos

We Just Want To Be Loved
Nurgle

The Ironbeard Guard
Dwarfs

Da Smashy Hitterz
Orcs

The Al Gore ManBearPig Apreciation Society
Skaven

I Told Them I was Ill
Necromantic

The Hurdy-Gurdy Hitmen
Norse

Hello folks,

I will be organising a Fantasy Football league based off of the stats from the Blood Bowl league I am running for my gaming group and I want YOU to join. All you need to do is read the rule guidelines below, choose your players and watch out for the regular updates posted here on Power Armoured Beard.

Players in my league, AABBL (Aldershot ‘Ardboyz Blood Bowl League) will have a two week window in which to play their match-up at the club which meets every Wednesday and Sunday. This sounds like a long time, but from experience of running similar campaigns in the past, people can’t always turn up for every club night, or they want to play something else (6th Ed 40k is quite a pull at the moment obviously). One game per fortnight will help keep people interested but not burnt out. This is just a bit of background information to explain that the AABBFFL (Aldershot ‘Ardboyz Blood Bowl Fantasy Football League) will be updated roughly every two weeks.

Your standing in the league will be based on the total amount of Star Player Points (SPP) your players accumulate. SPP are awarded for actions in the game:

• Completion: Successful pass. (1SPP)
• Touchdown: Get the ball in the end zone (3SPP)
• Interception: Catch the opponents pass (2SPP)
• Casualty: Successfully injuring another player. (2SPP)
• MVP: Most Valued Player randomly chosen at the end of each game (5SPP)

Now for some guidelines:

• AABBFFL coaches will have 1,000,000 gold pieces to spend on players.
• You may have a maximum of 11 players.
• You must not choose more than 3 players from the same team.
• You may only have 1 Big Guy.
• You may have up to 5 positional players (blitzers, throwers, black orcs etc).
• You may have any number line-men equivalents (0-16 players).
• You must choose 1 player to be your Captain, he will score double SPP.
• If your player dies you are refunded the full cost of that player, even if he is now worth more due to levelling up. You will keep the SPP earnt up until this point.
• If you choose to cut a player from your team you will only receive half the current cost of that player. You will keep the SPP earnt up until this point.
• If any of your players can’t play a game for whatever reason (injuries picked up in-game, coach not being able to make a game IRL), this is all just considered part of the league. However, if the worst case scenario happens and a coach drops out of the league altogether, you will be notified immediately, refunded the total cost of the players and asked to make new selections.
• AABBFFL coaches are asked to provide a name for their team.

The list of players available for purchase will be released in a future post. Once this has been released there will be closing date deadline to submit your teams to the league. There might also be a prize awarded to the top ranking AABBFFL coach!

If you are interested in joining the league please leave a comment or contact me on twitter @xbevisx

Welcome back, sports fans.

The first half has already seen some fine, bone-crunching action. We were treated to 3 touchdowns, 2 serious maimings (both Human players) and even a pitch invasion! As you can imagine the crowd is fired up, the players are eager to beat the snot out of each other and the real life tension in the room is rising. Lets get on with the show!

Initial Set Up

Kick off and the scatter is kind to me and my Orcish team again. The kick off result is “Quick Snap” and my Blitzers head off into enemy territory straight away.

The whole human team get pushed and shoved into an oddly pleasing straight line! The Orc Thrower scoops up the ball in a meaty, green fist, and the Blitzers continue their forward surge.

The Humans are quick to react and try to cover targets and hassle the Orc Thrower. In doing so they disrupt the nice tidy line I’ve put them in, which is rather unsporting of them if you ask me.

The Orc Thrower, seeing lots of stupid “Oomies” running at him, calls out for his Black Orc buddy to help him out, which luckily the big lad does, clearing a bit more room for movement to allow a pass. The rest of the greenskins twig onto which Blitzer has been designated the receiver and move in to provide screening and support. The Thrower cuts through a gap left by the Black Orc, winds his arm back and lets loose with a stunning pass. Sadly, it’s not as accurate as it could’ve been, Blitzer 5 can’t quite get a hand to it and the ball drops on the floor, causing a Orcish turnover.

Desperation sets in for the Humans. If they don’t do something quickly the Orcs will score. Lineman 10 makes a break for it down the wing, snatches the ball up before the Orc Blitzer can get a hand to it. Then he turns and launches the ball down field. Unfortunately for him, the wind must be strong today, as his pass is inaccurate as well, causing a Human turnover! The rest of the team hadn’t even acted yet, but at least the ball is no longer near their endzone.

More scrabbling for the ball this turn. I set up a load of Orcs downfield on the off-chance that if I get a bad throw again there’s more players there to catch it. A Black Orc smashes some space for the Thrower yet again, but sadly the pass fails. On the upside, the pesky Human Lineman No 10 that threw the ball towards the Orc endzone, left himself a little too close to the edge of the pitch and got bundled into the monstrous crowd.

“Griff”, sprinting to the best of his abilities, goes to cover Orck Blitzter 5, making it more difficult for him to pick up the ball. Lineman 9 follows suit, and even tries to tackle Orc Blitzer 4, but the run across pitch must’ve taken it out of him, because he comes off worse from the tackle, rolling a skull and falling over. Human Turnover.

Lineorc 13 gives “Griff” a tasty right hook, which drops him straight away and frees up number Blitzer 5 to grab the ball and run for the endzone. But something odd happens before the touchdown is scored. The ball carrier slows his pace, even though he could easily get the equalizer right now. But he stops just before the line, turns to his teammates, and gives a thumbs up. With that they nod in unison and any that can crowd around the prone “Griff”, do so and promptly start kicking him to bits on the floor! I told you I would end up going out of my way to get that sod! However, no injury is caused and luckily the Ref does not spot this brazen act of hatred. The decision to stall would truly take its toll though. One of the Black Orcs, aided by a Lineorc, decides to try his luck at felling the Ogre. Truly an opponent of worth, and great bragging right post game. What happens? I roll a skull, Adam rolls and beats the Black Orcs armour, and the injury result is “Dead and Injured”. Balls. That will teach me.

Not a lot happens this turn. A bit of jostling in Orcs half of the pitch. That’s about it.

After losing a Black Orc last turn, I’m not taking anymore daft chances. Touchdown to the Orcs!

There is everything to play for right now. The teams are tied, and this will probably be the last drive of the game. If either of us wants to win, we have to do it right now. Kick off result is “High Kick” and Adam places his thrower under the ball, catching it safely.

The tricksey Humans look like they have a play forming. The thrower hangs back, surveying the field for an opening.

But none is forth-coming. The Orcs defence holds strong, and it even looks like they are breaking through to take down the Human Thrower.

With this, the Thrower decides it would be a good idea to step back and put a bit of distance between him and the Orcs who are just about to brutalise him. As he does so, a couple of his teammates nip past the pre-occupied Greenskins and free themselves up.

But these green defenders are all over them in a flash. If you want to catch the ball you are going to have to do it surrounded by violent, tusk-faced thugs, sucker.

Tension is mounting and the clock is ticking. Another Orc is knocked out for the count as the Humans try again to wrestle themselves free from the defence. The Thrower is letting the nerves and frustration get to him, and steps back even further!

This is a gruellingly crucial part of the match for me. This is the last turn I get to move any of my players. I do my absolute best to cover as many of Adam’s players as possible which will make it harder for them to pass, dodge and catch. He can very feasibly score next turn. I’ve done the best I can. The result now truly rests in the hands of the Dice Gods. May the best team win.

Adam is in for a tough time on his last turn. He does not have a lot of options  and he also doesn’t have any re-roll markers left. There is no room for error here, no point in doing any move that would risk him getting a turnover.

“The Thrower picks his target, and starts jogging forward. The jog turns into a sprint. He jukes past two Orcs that come flying at him, filthy curses spewing from their green, spit-drenched lips. As he hears them crash to the ground behind him, he smirks, draws back his arm and lets go with a rocketing, corkscrew throw, the aim deadly and true. The crowd raises to it feet, bellowing at the top of their lungs. All the players pause from punching the crap out of their adversaries, and slack-jawed they follow the path of the ball. 

At the end of  this path, like a pot of gold at the end of a rainbow, stands a Blitzer. Ready, willing and able to receive this gift from the Heavens themselves, he prepares to catch said ball. There is a fine knack to catching a Blood Bowl ball as they are usually adorned with impressive spikes, and have more often than not claimed the life of an unprepared player. Luckily the Blitzer is aware of this and is practiced enough to catch the ball without injury. Dreams of victory celebrations fill his head just as from no-where an Orc fist clips the ball, alters its trajectory and in slow motion everyone watches as the ball hits the floor.

Human Turnover. The game ends, the fights resume and the crowd explodes into an orgy noise and violence that lasts a fortnight. This is Blood Bowl. Goodnight.”

Before we get started I have to credit “Colin” from the FUMBBL Forum for creating the PSP that made the pitch views so much easier to put together! (Please click on any of the pictures below to enlarge them)

Initial Set Up

As the Humans won the toss and chose to receive, the Orc team sets up first, followed by their pink skinned adversaries. I was quite lucky with the kick and the ball scattered a good distance away from the human thrower. The kick-off table result was a Quick Snap allowing the humans a square of movement before the game started proper.

With their first turn the Humans make a good start. Many Orcs are barged over and the thrower successfully secures the ball. “Griff” rolls a skull on his tackle attempt and Adam spends a reroll to amend this.

Seeking revenge, the Orcs scrabble to their feet, there’s a couple of tussles, then out of nowhere Lineorc 13 smashes Lineman 8 hard and puts him in the dead and injured box with Orc Blitzer 7 making a break past the Humans line with the intention of sacking the Human Thrower.

The Ogre gets back in the action, smashing a Black Orc over. The Human Thrower is biding his time waiting for the right opportunity, which presents itself in the form of Human Blitzer 1 making a dash for it and freeing himself up to receive. Unfortunately, Griff rolls another skull on the block dice and out of sheer disgust Adam refuses to expend another reroll to adjust this (also, it may be put to better use further on in the game). This ends the Human team’s turn.

More frantic fighting in center field which sees the Ogre pushed flat on his arse. Orcs 6 & 9 rush to cut down the Blitzer that made a break for it but sadly, merely push him to the edge of the pitch. However, this is not a safe position to be in as the crowd will tear you a new one if you are unlucky enough to be pushed off the pitch!

Failing to take down the Blitzer proved to be very costly as the plucky human thrower takes a big chance running down the wing and passing to his teammate, who is being hassled by 2 blood-thirsty Orcs. But would you believe it? The pass is good, the Blitzer catches, and despite a short pause to deck a nearby Orc,  runs on to score! What a Touch-Down!

So now the Humans kick off to the Orcs. The greenskins are more fortunate with the ball scatter as it lands not too far from their thrower.

The Black Orcs let rip with a mighty bellow, and with fists flying, take out a good chunk of the Human defence. Using this as a distraction many of the quicker Orcs break through, making themselves free to receive a pass. Horror of horrors though as the thrower fumbles the pick up roll! Even with his skill that allows him to reroll! Orc’s turn immediately ends and now I am really worried as I haven’t left a lot of support in my half! I got carried away, now will I suffer?

The Humans are quickly all over this mistake and move forward unimpeded. They close around the butter-fingered thrower but luckily they just can’t take him down. Despite that, it’s going to be very hard to get to the ball with all the tackle zones around.

Luckily, it looks like Gork & Mork were with me every step of the way this turn. Firstly a Human takes a beating and gets K.O.ed, and despite a crazy amount of dodge rolls and pick up/passing/catching tests, I pass every one without even needing a reroll! The Orcs show an almost Elven finesse and gracefulness as they dodge around the bemused Humans and pull off a long bomb pass of epic proportions. Touchdown to the Orcs!
(Every roll I made this turn was crucial and I was on the edge of my seat the whole time. It’s crazy plays like this that make me love this game!)

So with the Orcs scoring, it’s their turn to kick off. But obviously tensions are running high in the stadium as the result on the kick off table is “PITCH INVASION”. Oh dear. Each coach gets to roll for each of their opponents players to see if the they get beaten and stunned by the rampaging crowd. As you can see both teams take a beating. (Being stunned means you spend a turn recovering on the ground before you can get up and move again).

Luckily, the Humans get first turn and what remaining players there are left standing can take advantage of their stunned enemies. A few blocks are administered, the thrower recovers the ball and Human Blitzer 4 makes a run deep into the Orcs half.

Stumbling to their feet some of the orcs spot this cheeky human, chase him down and teach him a lesson. Another one for the dead and injured box. Not much else happens this turn besides recovering and Orc Blitzer 7 charging after the Human Thrower again.

Human’s turn and after seeing that last tackle, all they are concerned with is getting the ball down the field. Catcher 6 makes a break into open space, Thrower 7 passes the ball to him easily, the rest of the team provide as much screening as possible and generally get in the Orcs way.

Adam really did a good job here of protecting his ball carrier. It’s very rare that you are presented with a situation you can’t really escape from in Blood Bowl, that’s one of its strengths, but Adam is a great player and used his tackle zones very cleverly, to the point where there was no sure-fire way of stopping him scoring on his next turn. To add injury to insult, I rolled a “Both Down” result when tackling one of his players and even repeated the result with the reroll!

This turn sees the unchallenged catcher casually stroll to a Touchdown, no doubt showboating the whole way! Very well-played indeed.

Very last turn of the half and what I imagine is a common site in Blood Bowl. I am receiving the ball but with my final turn the most I can hope to do is injure as many Human players as possible. To minimise the damage I can inflict, Adam merely puts the required three players on the line of scrimmage. In most similar cases, these will be less important players for the team. Unfortunately, I fail to do any real damage and the half end!

So the Humans are one up on the score, but with two less players on the field. The first half has been pretty awesome already, what will the second half bring? Keep it tuned to Power Armoured Beard to find out, sports-fans!